Taking a break from alcohol
“All we are is peace, love, and wisdom and the power to create the illusion that we’re not.”
- Jack Pranksy
I’ve gotten in the habit of having a drink at night. A strong drink. It started during the pandemic and I used to only have one drink, but recently it’s been creeping up to two at times. The alcohol isn’t the problem. It’s how I’ve been using alcohol, which is as a way to soothe my over-sensitive, over-stimulated, and overwhelmed brain. Alcohol dulls my brain, quiets my mind, & takes the edge off. I found myself craving being slightly numb at the end of the day.
For many months I’ve been thinking about this habit and wondering if it’s unhealthy. After ruminating and reassurance seeking I’d come to the conclusion that one drink is perfectly healthy and I’d keep on having my nightly drink. One or 1.25 drinks is fine I’d think…(side note, it totally is! I just wanted to handle stress differently).
But while alcohol does a fine job of dulling my overstimulated brain for a few minutes, I came to the conclusion that what was bothering me was that I was stressing myself out with my thinking and drinking was not addressing that. By having a drink I was just ignoring the signals and continuing to misuse the gift of thought.
I decided to stop drinking because I realize that my thoughts were only created the illusion that I needed to be stressed when there really isn’t. My life is perfectly imperfect.
Now I’m on day 4 of not drinking. My lizard brain protests at times because she thinks this habit is life or death and feels uncomfortable breaking this habit. But I know that the lizard brain is all bark and no bite. Urges are like an alarm clock and can be startling, but I’m the one who actually has to get out of bed (or pour the drink). Urges pass.
Day 3 was the hardest, but not drinking allowed me to observe my personal mind. My parents were coming over to my new home for the first time and I found myself getting caught up in stressful thinking. I wanted them to be happy, impressed, etc. I could physically feel the effects of my thoughts and the desire to drink to take the edge off was strong, but just sitting with my feelings gave me the opportunity to realize that I was just creating the illusion that there was anything to stress over. My parents love me unconditionally. There was no need to stress. Yes, a clean house looks nice and I clean up pretty well myself, but my parents would be happy if I answered the door in leggings with a pizza. My suffering and stressing was optional. My brain can shares its opinion (your house is filthy, get down and scrub the floor, you need better appetizers, more flowers, it will feel so nice to cheers with a glass of wine) but having some distance from the emotional content allows my thoughts to flow and makes room for fresh, new thinking.
Not drinking also allows me to feel my feelings. I was drinking to soothe (maybe unsuccessfully avoid) my feelings of overwhelm and exhaustion. But my feelings (and yours) are nothing to fear. They are only to be understood.
Having a strong feeling just means I’m having a strong thought. The best thing to do is to leave my thinking alone and I can do that without alcohol.
What’s helping:
Tired Of Thinking About Drinking by Belle Robertson
Having a replacement drink which for me is sparkling water, lots of ice, lime/lemon/grapefruit and jalapeño slices.
Recognizing when I’m stressing myself out with my thinking and using that as a signal to leave my thinking alone.
Dr. Amy Johnson’s book The Little Book of Big Change was also very helpful in understanding habits.
What I’m getting out of this:
An opportunity to increase my baseline level of peace by realizing when I’m unnecessarily putting pressure on myself.
Feeling pretty proud of myself for doing something that’s a bit challenging.
An opportunity for my journey to go deeper.