Weekly Anxiety Q&A: “Is it okay to be gentle with yourself while recovering?

The rest of the question was “I feel like I have to keep pushing and get it right.”

Oh boy, can I relate to that! Anyone else?

For most of my life I felt like I was pushing yet coming up short. Especially after my panic attack and subsequent driving anxiety in 2011 my mental health became an even bigger focus of my life. I was always pushing myself. Trying the next best thing- neuorfeedback, somatic therapy, CBT, journaling, meditation, mindfulness, The Secret/manifestation, mantras, different forms of exercise, elimination diets, gratitude, yoga therapy, tapping, having a “perfect” evening routine, having a “perfect” morning routine, etc. Pushing, pushing, trying, trying. Still struggling, struggling. 

What I didn't know then was that everything I was doing to fix my thinking only mixed it up more, putting my body back into fight-or-flight. When I stopped trying so hard, left my thinking alone, my personal mind could finally quiet down. When our personal mind quiets down own innate wisdom is there to guide us through every situation- anxiety recovery, health, work, family,  anything.

This question also made me think of George Pransky’s book The Relationship Handbook. People change by becoming more themselves and less their conditioning. The way to facilitate change is to treat ourselves with understanding and goodwill. Goodwill quells insecurity and when we’re secure we make better choices.

Often on our healing journey we encounter a time of compulsive awareness. George’s advice is pay as little attention as possible to what you see. Seeing what you’re doing is good, but reacting emotionally is not helpful. Any feelings of guilt, any willful attempts to change or analyze is misguided. It’s sufficient for you to see you have counterproductive habits that disappear when you notice them. Then the change is so subtle you hardly notice it.

When I looked up the definition of gentle some words I saw were calm, kind, not violent or severe. A synonym is compassionate. I know I'm my best self when I'm always gentle on myself. I don’t feel good when I push myself and try to “get it right”. What does “get it right” even mean? When I think of that to me I think judgment. Right or wrong. Fail or succeed. I don't believe there are any failures. Each setback in our transformation journey is an opportunity for increased insight, realization and deeper understanding.
Are you gentle on yourself?